The only female presence in this sorry tale comes from blurry profile shots through rainy windows of Clarkson’s girlfriend Phillipa Sage arriving to comfort her chastened lover. But there is one major woman whose absence feels profound: Frances Clarkson, Jeremy’s wife, agent and confidant of 21 years. He was a slobbering, greedy mutt who’d happily have licked his own b**** to raise eyebrows on The One Show; she was his dog-handler.
It is almost exactly a year since they divorced. Quelle surprise. A year is what it normally takes for a newly-single man with greyish pubes and love of red wine to hit the wall - or the bloke who works beneath him. Twelve months is enough time for the thrilling shock of sexual freedom to have worn off; the exhilaration of not having to explain oneself to wear off and for regret to seep in around the edges of a fraying ego.
Yes, Clarkson appears to have spent much of that time with the woman he was caught snogging while still married, the aforementioned Philippa Sage, but she didn’t know him when he was merely a mouthy motoring journalist and wanna-be-TV-presenter. She hasn’t followed him into the loo with a brush on as many occasions as Frances did. Typically, the new girlfriends of uber-famous millionaires allow their fellas a longer leash. And once they’re free to float, child-like adults such as Clarkson often fall spectacularly to earth. Despite her tiny frame, Clarkson was often photographed quite literally leaning on Frances.
Whatever she lacked in height she must have made up for in brains, strength and patience. Contrast that to Sage, a woman who matches his 6’5 frame in her heels but appears to walk a few paces behind, always looking slightly uncertain, as though she is grateful to be there. They may stand eye-to-eye but there is an uneasy lack of equality about them.
The first Mrs Clarkson, Alex Hall, who left him for his best friend after six months of marriage in 1989 illuminated Frances’s role when their divorce was announced last year, “Jeremy is the frontman but behind the scenes she was the swan paddling frantically beneath the surface,” she said. “It is her hard work that has made him into the idol he is today.”
They clearly made a formidable pairing. Not only did they raise three children together, but Frances steered his career towards the £60m fortune that he now boasts. Having a wife who made tough professional decisions and conducted difficult conversations on Clarkson’s behalf when all he really wanted to do was be very funny playing with cars must have been a gift for the 54-year-old. Frances would have turned down all those invitations that Clarkson couldn’t face; negotiated contracts whose detail was beyond him and probably did all this whilst remembering to buy his mother a birthday card. She was probably one of the very few people who would tell him when he was being an arse or apologise to friends when he forgot his table manners.
Had they still been married on that fateful night three weeks ago, she would probably have organised his meal plans as part of her tightly run ship. Or she would have told him down the phone when he rang to moan at her about the lack of steak - to stop being a spoilt brat and go to bed. And he would have listened. Without her to vent his sulky impetuousness upon, he looked around for the nearest minion and ended the BBC’s most successful factual entertainment global brand.
Alex Hall described Clarkson as, “a serial monogamist, I don’t think he’s a fly-by-night philanderer” – which is normally a way of describing a man who can’t bear to be alone but also has a weakness for shiny, new models once the appeal of current one has worn off. It’s striking how much Clarkson has aged in the last year. He’s not alone of course. Typically, men don’t fare well after a divorce – they are twice as likely to die early from cardiovascular disease, hypertension, and strokes than married men and are four times more likely to kill themselves than the betrothed.
Earlier this week, Clarkson’s long-term adversary Piers Morgan revealed a recent meeting in which the Top Gear presenter confessed: “I’m going through a difficult divorce, my first ex-wife has also came out of the woodwork to give me hell, I’m smoking too much, drinking too much, my back hurts, I’m all over the papers with this N-word scandal, I’m at war with my BBC bosses, and my mother has just died. I simply don’t have the energy for you anymore.” In other words, he was rapidly descending a mountain pass without the brakes of his ex-wife to stop him going over the cliff edge.
In the TV world, Clarkson was the kind of ‘talent’ around whom bosses would pull young runners to one side and tell them to give him whatever he wanted – no matter what it was. You didn’t upset the Golden Goose. Sadly the Golden Goose ran out in front of a very fast car and ended up splattered across its windscreen. Except this time, the power behind him, his formidable ex wife Frances, simply wasn’t there to shout: "Watch out! You bloody fool…"
Jeremy Clarkson's gaffesJuly 2008: Drink-driving
BBC bosses told Clarkson off for supping a gin and tonic while behind the wheel of a pick-up truck
November 2008: Lorry drivers
With reference to convicted killer Steve Wright, Clarkson joked on the show about how lorry drivers "murder prostitutes"
February 2009: Gordon Brown
The then prime minister was dismissed as a "one-eyed Scottish idiot" during a press conference in Australia.
October 2009: Black Muslim Lesbians
Clarkson said that the BBC was obsessed with hiring black, Muslim lesbians to counter the number of white heterosexuals in its ranks.
July 2010: Burkas and lingerie
During a Top Gear discussion on distractions while driving: “Honestly, the burka doesn’t work. I was in a cab in Piccadilly the other day when a woman in a full burka crossing the road in front of me tripped over the pavement, went head over heels and up it came, red g-string and stockings.”
August 2010: Special needs
Clarkson referred to a Ferrari as 'special needs' and a 'simpleton' as a way of giving it a bad review.
February 2011: Mexico
Clarkson sparked a diplomatic incident, and was forced to apologise to the Mexican ambassador
January 2012: India
Viewers complained about Clarkson's provocative remarks concerning the country's clothing, trains, food and history.
May 2014: The 'N'-word
Clarkson was forced into a apology after appearing to mumble the word as he sang a nursery rhyme on Top Gear. July 2014: SlopeOfcom said he had breached their guidelines, when he referred to an Asian person as a 'slope',
October 2014: Falklands
Jeremy Clarkson caused offence this time by driving through Argentina using a number plate apparently referring to the Falklands War.
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